Take A Look At My Gear, Friend...

... it's the only one I got. Not a whole lot of gear, friend, I never seem to need a lot. I take a jumbo, 'cross da water, growing roots in Canada..."

Well, if you've been around long enough on this-here planet, you probably got the thinly-veiled Supertramp reference. If not... no biggie... on with the show...

So you wanna see my gear, huh? Well, you see, it's not that kind of journal here. This is a PG-rated journal! So I'm just gonna show you that other gear of mine that I use to create my musical masterpieces. ("Now where's my modesty? I swear, I still had it a second ago. Must've misplaced it... Maybe it's under the sofa cushion? Nope, just the remote and some popcorn kernels...")

For starters, here's my cute "Mini Les Paul", my li'l Firefox.

She's only 78 centimeters tall (that's ~31" for you non-metric -- or was that asymmetric? -- folks), but she rocks my world. It's true what they say: good things come in small packages. Here's some additional proof:

MyFutureWife^(sm) Cherokee (4'11") -- another good thing in a small package! (What's that gotta do with music, you ask? Simple: you may be a serious guitar god and all, but the highest art form is to give your personal goddess the greatest fine-tuning you possibly can. If you do, I can assure you that the sounds you create that way are truly divine!)

Now, if you can refocus here on those other instruments, please? Yes, I know she's gorgeous! Do you have any idea what I'm going through, trying to focus on anything but her? Thank you!

Here's more of my gear:


That's my x-rated girlfriend¹⁾ who sits on my lap, all the time. (Yes, I do enjoy them lap dances, thank you very much!)

I have it on good authority that she recorded my pleasure moans during one of those lap dances with this thing²⁾:


And then she put me in a sensory deprivation chamber, with these things³⁾ on my ears, and I'm still recovering from that BrainStorm experience:


How do they say in those infomercials? "But wait! There's more!" Exactly. Look:


The one lone survivor⁴⁾ from my musical endeavors from 15+ years ago. It has some cool layered sounds, and it has not only a stereo mix output, but six individual outs, as well. Perfect for getting plugged into those six analog ins on the mighty fine E-MU 1616m (my audio interface of choice for my "top-notch recording studio for a grand" project), providing instant surround sound bliss:

And finally, when I'm in a mood to channel Ian Anderson, these fine flutes see some action:


My, oh my, my traverse flute is in dire need for some TLC. Does anybody have some good tips how to get the silver all shiny again? The flute is obviously too big to fit in one of those silver baths, and those silver cleaning cloths don't get into all those nooks and crannies...

That's it for the instruments, for now. What? You wanna take a look at my studio, too? Okay then... Well, the acoustics are just totally awesome! I don't need no 'spensive confusion reverb, no siree!

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¹⁾E-MU xBoard 49
²⁾Sennheiser E815S
³⁾Sennheiser HD 280 Pro
⁴⁾Roland D-110