As you know, I've only recently gotten back into making music. I'm thinking about doing a cover version of Emerson, Lake & Palmer's "Lucky Man"...
...but I'm not sure about my new lyrics, yet:
I have big ballses
And Ladies by the score
All dressed in Latex
And drooling on the floor...
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
Anastasia* and Jewell*
They make up my bed
A lube-covered mattress
On which I get laid...
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
(Tearing it up on the solo... TommyO!)
I go out to score
For my Country** and my King**
Of my Honor**, and my Glory**
The Ladies do sing!
Oooh, what a Naughty Man I am!
Oooh, what a Naughty Man I am!
The Mistress*** has found me
My sweat runs, as I try
But no pleading can save me
So I lie down and comply...
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
Oooh, what a Lucky Dawg I am!
That doesn't sound quite right, now does it? Please give me your honest opinion!
*Or replace with your favorite Fetish Goddesses
**Cannot be shown here, unless I wanna lose my PG-rating...
***Please don't tell Aradia, Isabella, Jean, Nicolette, Rubberdoll or Sara about this... or else I'm in deep doo-doo!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Take A Look At My Gear, Friend...
... it's the only one I got. Not a whole lot of gear, friend, I never seem to need a lot. I take a jumbo, 'cross da water, growing roots in Canada..."
Well, if you've been around long enough on this-here planet, you probably got the thinly-veiled Supertramp reference. If not... no biggie... on with the show...
So you wanna see my gear, huh? Well, you see, it's not that kind of journal here. This is a PG-rated journal! So I'm just gonna show you that other gear of mine that I use to create my musical masterpieces. ("Now where's my modesty? I swear, I still had it a second ago. Must've misplaced it... Maybe it's under the sofa cushion? Nope, just the remote and some popcorn kernels...")
For starters, here's my cute "Mini Les Paul", my li'l Firefox.
1)E-MU xBoard 49
2)Sennheiser E815S
3)Sennheiser HD 280 Pro
4)Roland D-110
Well, if you've been around long enough on this-here planet, you probably got the thinly-veiled Supertramp reference. If not... no biggie... on with the show...
So you wanna see my gear, huh? Well, you see, it's not that kind of journal here. This is a PG-rated journal! So I'm just gonna show you that other gear of mine that I use to create my musical masterpieces. ("Now where's my modesty? I swear, I still had it a second ago. Must've misplaced it... Maybe it's under the sofa cushion? Nope, just the remote and some popcorn kernels...")
For starters, here's my cute "Mini Les Paul", my li'l Firefox.
She's only 78 centimeters tall (that's ~31" for you non-metric -- or was that asymmetric? -- folks), but she rocks my world. It's true what they say: good things come in small packages. Here's some additional proof:
MyFutureWife(sm) Cherokee (4'11") -- another good thing in a small package! (What's that gotta do with music, you ask? Simple: you may be a serious guitar god and all, but the highest art form is to give your personal goddess the greatest fine-tuning you possibly can. If you do, I can assure you that the sounds you create that way are truly divine!)
Now, if you can refocus here on those other instruments, please? Yes, I know she's gorgeous! Do you have any idea what I'm going through, trying to focus on anything but her? Thank you!
Here's more of my gear:
That's my x-rated girlfriend1) who sits on my lap, all the time. (Yes, I do enjoy them lap dances, thank you very much!)
I have it on good authority that she recorded my pleasure moans during one of those lap dances with this thing2):
And then she put me in a sensory deprivation chamber, with these things3) on my ears, and I'm still recovering from that BrainStorm experience:
How do they say in those infomercials? "But wait! There's more!" Exactly. Look:
The one lone survivor4) from my musical endeavors from 15+ years ago. It has some cool layered sounds, and it has not only a stereo mix output, but six individual outs, as well. Perfect for getting plugged into those six analog ins on the mighty fine E-MU 1616m (my audio interface of choice for my "top-notch recording studio for a grand" project), providing instant surround sound bliss:
And finally, when I'm in a mood to channel Ian Anderson, these fine flutes see some action:
My, oh my, my traverse flute is in dire need for some TLC. Does anybody have some good tips how to get the silver all shiny again? The flute is obviously too big to fit in one of those silver baths, and those silver cleaning cloths don't get into all those nooks and crannies...
That's it for the instruments, for now. What? You wanna take a look at my studio, too? Okay then... Well, the acoustics are just totally awesome! I don't need no 'spensive confusion reverb, no siree!
1)E-MU xBoard 49
2)Sennheiser E815S
3)Sennheiser HD 280 Pro
4)Roland D-110
Friday, December 14, 2007
A Trip Down Memory Lane
How did John Lennon put it? "Life is what happens while you are making plans." Or something along those lines...
My, my... time certainly flies while life is happening. It practically seems like yesterday when "I got my first real six-string" and set out to become a "rock god". (See Mr. Adam's "Summer of '69" for details about how that turned out.) Yet, that was over 30 years ago...
Going back even further for a moment: In my early teens, I got electrocuted by the first tube-based stereo amplifier I built from old tube radios that people had put curbside, and I was "hooked" on electronics gear ever since. ;)
When the "rock god thing" didn't pan out, my next goal was to become a Tonmeister, but I found out quickly that -- due to a lack of formal classical instrument training -- that door was closed to me. So I did the next best thing and became an electronics engineer, always keeping my love for music alive as a hobby.
Around the time I held my graduation papers in my hands, I added one of the very first keyboards equipped with a MIDI interface to my growing instrument collection: a Crumar Bit One. I loved its rich, analog sounds, and the fact that I could control it with precise parameters that I could store internally and recall at any time.
It wasn't until a few years later that I actually got a computer with a MIDI interface - an Atari ST - that could do something with its (very basic) MIDI implementation, but not without the proper software.
So the time had come for C-Lab's Notator, a (for its time) quite advanced MIDI sequencer program that even could print scores! Very cool! (BTW: That software is the great-granddaddy of today's Apple Logic.)
Notator couldn't really do much with my Crumar Bit One (because of its very limited, first-generation MIDI implemention), so the desire for more (MIDI-)capable gear arose. Enter the Roland MT-32 - the first sound module compatible with the General MIDI (GM) standard. By today's quality standards, that unit probably qualifies only as a "white noise generator", but back then I was so impressed with its sounds: the strings, the church organ, and let's not forget: Shakuhachi forever! :)
Of course, there was always something better lurking around the corner, and soon the amazing sounds of the MT-32 were seriously topped by one of Ray Kurzweil's first instrument creations: the stunningly realistic-sounding Kurzweil K-1000.
Of course, there had to be a way to mix the audio outputs of all three devices, and enjoying being on "the leading edge" (sometimes "the bleeding edge" was more like it), I opted for one of the first computer-controlled mixers (the very first?) - a Doepfer CCM. It was a DIY kit, so it was time to get my soldering gear busy. When it was finally built, a second Atari computer had to be added to run its (sluggish) control program.
Despite all the shortcomings (by today's standards), it was "the coolest thing on the block", and one could even make great-sounding music with the whole setup.
Still, somehow my interest waned, once the whole computer-based recording studio was built, and my busy job also left me with less and less time to get creative with it.
The MT-32's big brother, the Roland D-110, got added to the mix a couple years later when it came out, and while it was a huge improvement over the MT-32, all my gear started seeing less and less action, collecting dust, and eventually got auctioned off on eBay for pennies on the dollar.
For quite a few years, I thought I was done with my once so beloved hobby. General disenchantment with what the big music conglomerates had been churning out since the 90s made me turn away even further from music.
So why am I sharing all this? Because, miraculously, buried in all this general disenchantment with music was a small seed, and eventually that seed sprouted and grew into a renewed passion for creating music.
So, here I am in 2007, getting ready "to show those Sony BMGs and Universals of this world" that real music is alive and kicking! (Modesty is overrated, don't you think? ;)
Of course, the landscape of computer-based music creation has completely changed since I dabbled with those Atari computers and my trusty ole MIDI devices (of which the D-110, surprisingly, is still around as "the last survivor").
That pretty much means unlearning most of "the old ways" and familiarizing myself with a "brave new electronic music creation world". (Okay, the basics of MIDI are still the same; analog synths -- or their VST counterparts -- still have VCOs, VCFs, LFOs etc. as their basic functional units; the fundamental principles of mixing and mastering haven't changed; and nothing can replace a musical ear -- or make up for the lack of one.)
I'm looking forward to this exploration, saying to myself (doing my very best Jean-Luc Picard impression): "Let's see what's out there... engage!"
My, my... time certainly flies while life is happening. It practically seems like yesterday when "I got my first real six-string" and set out to become a "rock god". (See Mr. Adam's "Summer of '69" for details about how that turned out.) Yet, that was over 30 years ago...
Going back even further for a moment: In my early teens, I got electrocuted by the first tube-based stereo amplifier I built from old tube radios that people had put curbside, and I was "hooked" on electronics gear ever since. ;)
When the "rock god thing" didn't pan out, my next goal was to become a Tonmeister, but I found out quickly that -- due to a lack of formal classical instrument training -- that door was closed to me. So I did the next best thing and became an electronics engineer, always keeping my love for music alive as a hobby.
Around the time I held my graduation papers in my hands, I added one of the very first keyboards equipped with a MIDI interface to my growing instrument collection: a Crumar Bit One. I loved its rich, analog sounds, and the fact that I could control it with precise parameters that I could store internally and recall at any time.
It wasn't until a few years later that I actually got a computer with a MIDI interface - an Atari ST - that could do something with its (very basic) MIDI implementation, but not without the proper software.
So the time had come for C-Lab's Notator, a (for its time) quite advanced MIDI sequencer program that even could print scores! Very cool! (BTW: That software is the great-granddaddy of today's Apple Logic.)
Notator couldn't really do much with my Crumar Bit One (because of its very limited, first-generation MIDI implemention), so the desire for more (MIDI-)capable gear arose. Enter the Roland MT-32 - the first sound module compatible with the General MIDI (GM) standard. By today's quality standards, that unit probably qualifies only as a "white noise generator", but back then I was so impressed with its sounds: the strings, the church organ, and let's not forget: Shakuhachi forever! :)
Of course, there was always something better lurking around the corner, and soon the amazing sounds of the MT-32 were seriously topped by one of Ray Kurzweil's first instrument creations: the stunningly realistic-sounding Kurzweil K-1000.
Of course, there had to be a way to mix the audio outputs of all three devices, and enjoying being on "the leading edge" (sometimes "the bleeding edge" was more like it), I opted for one of the first computer-controlled mixers (the very first?) - a Doepfer CCM. It was a DIY kit, so it was time to get my soldering gear busy. When it was finally built, a second Atari computer had to be added to run its (sluggish) control program.
Despite all the shortcomings (by today's standards), it was "the coolest thing on the block", and one could even make great-sounding music with the whole setup.
Still, somehow my interest waned, once the whole computer-based recording studio was built, and my busy job also left me with less and less time to get creative with it.
The MT-32's big brother, the Roland D-110, got added to the mix a couple years later when it came out, and while it was a huge improvement over the MT-32, all my gear started seeing less and less action, collecting dust, and eventually got auctioned off on eBay for pennies on the dollar.
For quite a few years, I thought I was done with my once so beloved hobby. General disenchantment with what the big music conglomerates had been churning out since the 90s made me turn away even further from music.
So why am I sharing all this? Because, miraculously, buried in all this general disenchantment with music was a small seed, and eventually that seed sprouted and grew into a renewed passion for creating music.
So, here I am in 2007, getting ready "to show those Sony BMGs and Universals of this world" that real music is alive and kicking! (Modesty is overrated, don't you think? ;)
Of course, the landscape of computer-based music creation has completely changed since I dabbled with those Atari computers and my trusty ole MIDI devices (of which the D-110, surprisingly, is still around as "the last survivor").
That pretty much means unlearning most of "the old ways" and familiarizing myself with a "brave new electronic music creation world". (Okay, the basics of MIDI are still the same; analog synths -- or their VST counterparts -- still have VCOs, VCFs, LFOs etc. as their basic functional units; the fundamental principles of mixing and mastering haven't changed; and nothing can replace a musical ear -- or make up for the lack of one.)
I'm looking forward to this exploration, saying to myself (doing my very best Jean-Luc Picard impression): "Let's see what's out there... engage!"
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